Have you ever?

God had shown us the perfect love by sacrificing His only son for us. Abraham has shown his surrender to God by sacrificing Isaac. Today I learned what is the difference between offering and sacrificing. Sacrifice means there’s hurt involved in it, while offering’s not. Sacrifice means more than just a giving. Isaac to Abraham means something very precious in life, something he’s been longing for about 100 years. “Our Isaac” could be our money, our assets, our work, our love, or anything precious for us, something u get with big efforts or maybe something which would makes u drop your tears to get that.

I have given away “my Isaac”, I have given away a part of my work which people said would earn the most benefit. I also have given away my love. Given away is not in the meaning of giving up. I have given away means I have given my love & I don’t expect to get in return, while for me giving up means not to love anymore.
I really value our last 1 month of praying. It hurts when I give it away, but I put my trust like Abraham trusts God’s heart, I want to trust like that as well. When we give away our ‘Isaac’ to God, God will provide.
Now I really understand what is sacrificing, I do understand what is a “heart of giving”. U can never say that until u experience it.

Have u ever loved someone ‘til your heart feel hurts?...
Someone said to me on valentine’s day, loving someone could make your heart feel hurts inside. Coz u always have him/her in your mind, u’re worrying about that person, your heart hurts when that person cries / feel sad, & last but not least u always want that person to be happy & get the best of life.
I do feel that….., it hurts when u have to give away someone u’ve been concerning for some period of time. It’s not easy, I know. This beginning of 2009 has been quite a struggle to me. As I started to grow more in Him, I felt a very intimidating feeling inside me, some voices are telling me to give up, telling me how hard life is for me, telling me to put down my hopes, telling me to stop believing. The more I chase God the more I feel that. Then I remember one thing, as I fly higher under God’s wing, the more the wind will blow. It’s storm there, strong wind and raining. That means something not easy to get through. But God’s wing is big & strong enough to protect us, to help us fly higher than the storm.

Have u ever given away something very precious in your life? It does hurt, but when u give it away to God, it will never be wrong, God will give the best to u. Sacrifice means surrender, giving away something which means so much to u. “So here I am, I offer my sacrifice to U, let it be sweet aroma pleasing unto U. “
~ I love U Lord ~…..

Nothing To Lose

I’ve always prayed if this feeling is not from God, then please just take it away from me, Lord. As we pray together, I got strength & promise from God that He can change everything in just a wink. Two persons told me to give up this courtship, but I don’t know why I’m still holding on ‘til now. No matter my lack of knowing what’s on his mind or who’s in his heart, I do still care about him. My heart can only see him. Still…

I knew I’m not supposed to invest too much feeling on it. Well I guess I don’t, but deep inside my heart I can’t deny that he’s still the man I love. I don’t care if people say I’m a fool. I wrote this not in the purpose of getting to him. I just want to express that what I have for him is sincere, doesn’t matter what will happen. Above all my hopes & dreams, I just want him to be happy & get the best of life. I just never thought it will become complicated like this. Anyway, I do let him go, if he really meant to be mine, then he’ll come back to me & belongs to me forever, but if it’s not, then its not meant to be. I’m still holding to that. Nothing to lose.

“I just want a simple love. I’m not looking for someone perfect. I just want to love someone imperfect in a perfect way of loving, to love until my very last breath.”

Dancing In The Moonlight

It was yesterday when I see the beautiful full moon when I was on my way back from work. I dunno why I always enjoy to look at the full moon. Looking it up bright shining in the sky makes me smile and feel happy about it. Feeling good about it should mean to be something good will follow right away.

Maybe I'd never known my real "full moon" 'til something happened today. I just found out the fact that makes me disappointed. I felt that thing has darkened my day, moreover, I'm in my pre-period time, mostly sensitive in this kind of time. So, this thing kinda broke my day. And just at the right time, he came by to me. At the moment I felt so down, he was just being there for me and listened to me. Those things just what women want. I felt so much better after that.

Dunno why it reminded me of a song called "有你真好" , the lyrics just exactly expressed how I felt about him so I sent the song to him & sweet things happened from there. Other people could think its just a simple thing to offer but for me, that simple thing he did meant so much to me. Maybe if we were really met we would be dancing under the moonlight, sounds romantic huh?... I felt so warm in my heart, and wish I could stay feeling that way forever…too sweet to let go… >.<

One person darkened my day and another person brightened it back. There once one said If other people wants to be your sun, I'd rather be your moon to shine for you in your darkness time. And I just realized that he was exactly just like my "Full Moon"…
I thank God that He sent him for me. He was there to shine for me in my darkness time. Even though he's physically so far away from me, just like the moon, so hard to reach to it, but I can feel the warmth of his shine. So I dedicated this song to you, and I just wanna say "oppa, thank you for being my full moon."

这时候最能让我想起你，多希望你在这里，你总是愿意　把你的手心　借给我握紧。

＊该往哪里，我总是依赖着你，你是我的方向感，　我可以确定，你会带着我，朝对的方向前进。

＃I'm thinking of you，　我有你真好，你能让烦恼变得渺小，　我遇见一个最懂我的人，我会提醒自己，把这份爱收好。

△I'm thinking of you，　我有你真好，只要牵着你的手就知道，　我不是一个人在这世界停靠，因为我拥有你　在我心里。

When God take care of me

Some painful experiences in the past sometimes not easy to get over with. But as time goes by I know that God is carrying out His plans. There are 2 persons in life that I once had a difficult time with them. How hurt my self was, only God knows. And how much I'm comforted now 'cause I could see how He take care of me and especially my heart. Those 2 persons who made me cry once get what so-called "what they deserve to get in return". Frankly speaking, I never pray something bad to God to do something on them. I just prayed to God to protect my heart, not to let them hurt me, anymore… Well, I'm not speaking of bad things here, what is to be something they deserve to get in return isn't something bad happened to them. It's just the situation now is on the contrary with the past.

When problems came up, pray with full heart and do just what I gotta do, and in the end others could see who I really am. Stand on the right side which God will be always by my side, protecting me from any harm.

I'm just an ordinary girl, I have my own expectations about life. I keep walking straight, hoping what I'm doing be pleasant unto God. Since the world is not friendly as it seems, hypocrisy is everywhere. But still there are good things in the world, when righteous people do what they gotta do. Be strong and endure when things seems like getting down. Your pure heart about everything in life will bring good things for you.

Dear Jesus my best friend, I’m sorry

Dear Jesus,
I know that our friendship is not warm anymore as it used to be. You know You always have the most special place in my heart. But, I just realized I’ve disappointed You.
Many things happened recently.. Unfortunately not the good one.. My mind was messing about useless things. Hate, disappointment, arrogance, and so on. I thought I can handle those things. But, I can’t deny that somehow it hurts. Really wanna cry it out, but I couldn’t do it anyhow. Feels like burying something bad inside the heart and become a thorn in the flesh.
I’m drawn in my own sorrow. Neglecting You as being the most precious part of my life. Didn’t give You what You deserve which is You always deserve the best. I’m so selfish. You really knew my heart more than anyone in this world. I should’ve told You what I’ve been through.
And now, from deep inside my heart, I just wanna say this to You : "I’m sorry… I want You to know I still love You at the most of all，I’ll fix everything up and make it up to You. Thank you for being my forever best friend."

亲爱的耶稣：
我知道我们的关系没有以前那么熟。祢在我心中总有最特别的位置。但现在我发现我让祢失望了。 最近发生很多事，又不是好的事情。我忙着管不应该做的事。讨厌人家，失望，骄傲等。我以为我会克服那些。可是我不能否认，那些事让我伤心。很想哭却哭不出来。像心里面埋没不好的事，就变成一根刺加在肉体里。 我在我的痛苦里淹没了，忽略祢原本是我生活中最珍贵的。我没有给祢应该得到的，就是最好的部分。我这么自私。祢最了解我的心，甚至比我还了解。我应该告诉祢我发生什么事。
我心灵深处想对祢说："对不起……"我想祢知道：世界上我最爱还是祢，永远不会改变。谢谢祢愿意当我永远的好朋友。

First Thing of My Valentine's Day

The first thing I get in this valentine's day is the fact that God still loves me. He did it this morning when I woke up. I just had a "bad experience" that made me turn my way back to His way. I realized that I've made mistakes. When words doesn't worked out, act will talk much. That's how God taught me this morning. And that way really works. He talked in my heart that He still wanna use me to do many things in God's works. You know, He can use anybody even anything, but thank God He still wanna use me, this sinful person. He loves me and will do anything to get me back to His way. He knows exactly what I feel coz He feels what I feel, He knew how afraid I was. And He's hurt when I'm hurt. But it's the only thing that could bring me back to Him. That's what He said. Then He ended it with "Happy Valentine's Day" , and I dropped my tears..

Whenever I see The Rainbow

Sunday service last Sunday, what Rev. Anthony (the preacher) said was really opened my eyes and my heart. He said something from the Bible, it's from II Corinthians 5:4
"For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life."

That's why I found it hard to be a new man (woman for me) in Christ. Because I'm still wearing that old and stink clothes for years! And yesterday I've tried to take it off. It's hard to do it. Still fighting 'til now. The evil try many ways to make me wear it again, in the ways of making me upset about small stuff, made me feel not peace, yeah…about everything in my life.. my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my students (& work stuff), and myself..

But, thank God, He has sent us the Holy Spirit. He reminded me every time I felt not peace or upset about something. "Why do you have to act that way? Is it what a Christian do when they face a problem? Mad at people? Shouldn't we bring peace to people? It's not a big thing, don't have to over react.." Yea.. God… The Holy Spirit really said that to me.. And I said to myself "God.. why should I mad? Yea.. it's just small stuff, don't have to sweat that much.. I'm so sorry God.." And I realized that was the evil temptation.. he was about to make me wear that old & stink clothes again..

Well, those things really happened to me these weeks, many things came up & they seem to make me feel down, tried to make me over sensitive, forcing down my pride, made me feel like I'm not the blessed one, I'm useless, I'm nothing, Loser…. Bla bla..
I always pray like this to God since the beginning of this year : "God, I believe You have something for me. You want me to do something. Something big (in God's eyes). Like David said to You , I want to say the same thing : "Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.

" For I will do what You want me to do, and I want to do it in Your way, not my way. I want You to made me as the potter made the vessel from the clay." (Jeremiah 18:4-6). I don't know from where in the world I dare to say these words, but I feel A VERY STRONG SPIRIT inside me that made me said that.. So now, no matter what people do, no matter what people say to insult me, no matter how bad they do to me, I will stand still and ask God to give me the power to move on His work in me.
And at the same day (that Sunday service), God has spoken to me (It's so real as I cry while I read this) :
Isaiah 43 : 19 "Behold, I will do a new thing ; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert."
Like there's always the rainbow after the rain, we'll always know that it's His covenant for His promises to us.
Thank you Rev. Anthony, you've been such a blessing to me.

God bless you all my friends!

Fight for life! Fight for Jesus!

Wow! Many friends responded bout the article "to a guy who i can call a coward or..." well, thank you so much, i really appreciate those responses.. I always know there are still some good friends for me..=)
The reason i wrote that is just to say thank you to my "ex friend".. Now i know he's not as good as it thought, he's much even worse than i think, no use of discussing him.. He's not that worthed --> many people around me say so.. Well im not mad at him, just hoping he knows what he's doing..

And another news is.. i think i know who did the "sms terror" to me last year.. What an act of a coward... I think u guys can guess who did it from the word i used.. well, its not him, but someone close to him.. Yeah.. it think its really getting worse of them.. But i dont care bout that anymore.. The truth will be revealed, and let the good wins.. I'm sure i'm at the right side now, as far i as i know i didnt do anything wrong to anybody, neither i mean to harm people nor took what belongs to others.. So why should i care about them? Rite?

I feel much relaxed now, cause i know i have a bright future with my Lord Jesus.. Oh yea, last month i just found out one of my friend just accepted Christ, im happy for that, just hoping he will have personal experience with Jesus the same that i had.. and i hope even more than me..
Fight for life! Fight for Jesus!
God bless u all my friend.. V(^0^)V

A guy who i can call a coward or...am i wrong?

Today i just found something that convinced me with that title. I met a guy who used to become quite special person for me. Honestly, I dunno why it ended up like this.. I dont even talk to him as a friend, just friend.. then i realized why its so hard to become just friend with him.. Everything i do that connected to him only makes me hurt some more..

I fell down at the same place, over and over again. I was so stupid.. Always said in my heart, "Okay, this is the last chance, if everything screwed up, i hv to forget him".. But that thing happened many times. The simple answer is, maybe he's just not the one for me. And too bad, it has ended, in a very awkward way.. Deep inside my heart, i dont wanna be like this, like now. We act like we've never been close friend before. I am really dissapointed about the way he act. Hmm..cant expect too much either..

Well, i tried to think positive, maybe he's not a coward at all. Maybe for him there are things which better left unsaid. Yeah.. maybe thats the answer.. But I really wish he got some good explanation for what he is doing now. Wish he can explain to me and clear everything up..
But the most important thing, it's all has ended. Every little things he had done for me, i really appreciate it, maybe i havent told him directly. Well i tried to say it here,

"Thank you for being a little part of my life, but that little part has helped me to grown up, and i learned so much from you. You are the first guy who can make me cry so many tears for a simple crush. A little crush which has been burdened for more than 2 years, finally i can let it all out here.

I'm wishin u all da best, live ur life to the fullest. And keep your faith in Him. God bless u.."
Well, i think i am wiser now (hopefully), and wont do stupid things again. I wont let my feelings go leading the way. I will wait until God says to me "he's the one", then i go for it. Otherwise, it will only hurt myself..

Strive For Higher Destiny

Strive for higher destiny --> what a touching words from last week service..Recently im getting stronger n confidence bout what im heading to (eventhough i still dun hv any idea what exactly it would like to be)..
"Be strong , be tough, for the power of God is within u!"

Thats what i keep saying to myself.. For everything that made me down, for everyone who had dissapointed me, God let them come into my life in order to show His grace and kindness to me. Later i realize if all of them didnt happen in my life then i couldnt see what how God almighty's perfect work in my life.. Im working hard for my future, with all of my power n prayer to God (i believe its called ora et labora?) hehe.. im striving for a better future, im striving for higher destiny, to what my friend called maximum manhood (if im not wrong..=p ), maybe im starting to understand what maxman means, maybe.. just maybe.. we'll see later..

What a Wonderful World

What a Wonderful World
What a beautiful day of Jakarta, rainy days n stuck in traffic...takes 2 hours to go home! hmm..forget about this "beautiful city".. Mmmhh..Eventhough sometimes so upset bout this world, bout everything happens in life, but we should thank the Lord that whatever happened in our life is to let us see the good thing behind all that. How He is always there in everything happened in our lives. HE KNOWS ABOUT US MORE THAN WE DO. Thats why im sure, everyone has their own happiness, eventhough u see other people live so perfectly. But God knows what's best for u. Trust Him. And do whatever u do in life to glorify His name then u can get ur truly own happiness. Open ur eyes n heart to the Lord, then u may see that happiness n joy all around u. Amen.